Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
~ Brene Brown
"Just don't talk."
These four words, uttered by a male CEO with a dismissive flick of his hand, sliced through your confidence with samurai precision. At that moment, your years of education, vast experience, and respect from colleagues and partners seemed to evaporate, leaving behind a hollow shell of self-doubt.
Perhaps it is Monday morning. You enter your office, and your first thought is, "This has already been a long week." Or you walk into a meeting room, take your seat, and immediately feel your voice evaporate and your soul shrink. At night, your mind replays the day's chorus of acquiescent "yeses" that should have been resolute "nos."
If you are wondering, yes, these are snapshots of my career.
The Cost of Compromise
For years, I contorted myself to fit into spaces that rejected my essence. In my desperation to belong, succeed, and keep my seat at the table, I compromised my authentic voice, my sense of self, and even my divinity—all for a paycheck.
Doubt became my shadow, whispering insidious thoughts:
"It is me."
"Maybe my thick accent is the problem."
"I'm not smart enough, prepared enough, thin enough."
"Perhaps I am too controversial, too blunt."
I clung to these narratives like a drowning woman to driftwood. It is a familiar refrain—the "it is me, not them" lullaby many sing when pushed to the brink—a melody that erodes our spirit, note by painful note.
But what if there is another way? What if, instead of twisting ourselves into pretzels to fit at tables not built for us, we dared to build our own?
Build Your Table: Craft Your Place in the World
Imagine a table that reflects every aspect of who you are. Its wood grain tells the story of your experiences. Its shape accommodates not just you but all those you wish to elevate. This is your table—your place in the world. Building your table means:
Defining Your Values
Your core beliefs and principles provide the foundation upon which your table is built. What do you stand for? What matters most to you?
Creating Your Culture
You cultivate the atmosphere around your table. Remember why you left the environment you deemed toxic. Are you creating a culture of collaboration or competition? Of nurture or challenge? You decide.
Inviting Diverse Perspectives
Your table has room for varied viewpoints. It is a place where you welcome, celebrate, and maybe even demand diversity.
Setting Your Own Rules
At your table, you define the norms. No more conforming to outdated expectations or stifling protocols.
Leaving a Legacy
Your table is not just for you. It is a place where others can gather, learn, and grow long after you have moved on.
Claim Your Chair: Discover Your Unique Power
Now, picture a chair molded perfectly to your form. It supports you, elevates you, and allows you to access your full potential. This is your chair—your unique point of power. Claiming your chair involves:
Recognizing Your Strengths
You built your chair on the foundation of what you do best. It is about identifying and honing your unique talents and skills.
Embracing Your Leadership Style
Whether you lead with quiet empathy or bold charisma, your chair accommodates your authentic leadership voice.
Defining Your Contribution
From your chair, you have a unique vantage point. What do you see that others might miss? What is the distinct value you bring to the table?
Owning Your Space
Your chair is your domain of expertise. It is where you can confidently say, "This is what I know. It is where I excel."
Growing Continuously
Your chair is not static. As you evolve, it adapts, always supporting you as you reach new heights.
The Synergy
When you build your table and claim your ideal chair, you create a synergy so powerful it can reshape your world. Your table is your platform, your stage, your launchpad for change. Your chair is the source of your perspective, the wellspring of your power, the throne from which you can fully express your authentic self.
Together, they provide:
Amplified Voice
From your chair at your table, your voice carries further and resonates more deeply. You are no longer shouting on deaf ears; you are speaking with the quiet confidence of someone who knows their worth.
Clearer Vision
Your chair gives you the perfect vantage point to survey the landscape of your table. You see opportunities others miss and challenges others tend to overlook. Your unique perspective becomes your superpower.
Magnetic Authenticity
When you are truly comfortable in your space, it shows. People are drawn to the genuine you, creating connections that are deeper and more meaningful.
Ripple Effect
Your courage to build and sit at your table inspires others. You become a beacon, showing others that they, too, can create spaces that honor their authentic selves.
Sustainable Power
Yours is not about a temporary boost. The synergy between your table and chair creates a sustainable source of power—one that replenishes rather than depletes you.
Practical Steps to Start Your Journey
Embarking on the journey of authentic leadership and self-discovery can seem daunting. Here are some practical steps to help you get started:
Self-Reflection: Uncover Your Foundation
Spend 15 minutes daily journaling about your values and strengths. This exercise is crucial for laying the groundwork for your table and shaping your chair.
Values Exploration
List 5-10 values that are most important to you. These could include integrity, creativity, compassion, or innovation. For each value, write a brief explanation of why it is significant to you.
Strengths Inventory
Reflect on your unique abilities. What tasks energize you? What do others often compliment you on? Write down at least five strengths you possess.
Reflection Questions
When have you felt at the peak of your aliveness and authenticity in your work or personal life?
What situations make you feel like you are compromising your values?
If you could design your ideal role or project, what would it look like?
Small Acts of Authenticity: Building Courage
Choose one situation this week to speak your truth. Start small and gradually build your confidence in expressing your authentic self.
Identify Opportunities
Look for low-stakes situations where you can practice authenticity. For example, you could share an honest opinion in a meeting or express a boundary with a colleague.
Prepare
Before the situation, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself of your values and strengths.
Reflect and Celebrate
After speaking your truth, journal about the experience. How did it feel? What was the outcome? Celebrate your courage, regardless of the result.
Gradual Expansion
As you become more comfortable, challenge yourself to be authentic in increasingly significant situations.
Seek Allies: Strengthening Your Support System
Identify one person who can support your journey towards authenticity and empowerment.
Create a List
Write down names of people in your professional and personal life who exemplify authenticity or with whom you feel safe being vulnerable.
Reach Out
Choose one person from your list and schedule a coffee chat or virtual meeting. Share your journey towards authenticity and ask for their support.
Be Specific
Let them know how they can support you. Ask for regular check-ins, feedback, or being a sounding board for ideas.
Reciprocate
Offer your support in return. Building a network of authentic leaders is about mutual growth and empowerment.
Learn New Skills: Expanding Your Toolkit
Pick one skill to develop that aligns with your authentic self and supports your vision of leadership.
Skill Audit
Based on your values and strengths, identify skills that would enhance your ability to lead authentically. Learn more about public speaking, active listening, emotional intelligence, or a technical skill relevant to your field.
Set a Learning Goal
Choose one skill to focus on. Set a specific, measurable goal for developing this skill over the next month.
Create a Learning Plan
Research resources for developing your chosen skill. You can take online courses, find books and podcasts on the topic, or find a mentor.
Practice and Apply
Look for opportunities to practice your new skill in real-life situations. Reflect on how this skill supports your authentic leadership style.
Create a Vision of the Future: Designing Your Ideal Space
Visualize your ideal table and chair. This exercise helps concretize your goals and motivates your journey.
Guided Visualization
Find a quiet space and close your eyes. Imagine your ideal professional environment. What does your table look like? Who is sitting around it? How does your chair feel? What conversations are happening?
Capture Your Vision
After the visualization, immediately write down or sketch what you saw. Pay attention to details that stand out.
Identify Action Steps
Based on your vision, what small steps can you take now to move towards this ideal? List 3-5 actionable items.
Create a Vision Board
If you are visually inclined, create a physical or digital vision board representing your ideal table and chair. Include images, quotes, or words that resonate with your vision.
Navigating Challenges
Building your table and finding your chair is not always easy. You might face:
Financial constraints
Societal pressures
Rigid work environments
Intersectional challenges (race, age, socioeconomic status)
You are on a journey. Start small, celebrate small wins, and be patient with yourself.
The Impact of Defining My Place In The World
By building my table and claiming my perfect chair, I have created space not just for myself but for others:
Women from diverse backgrounds seeking freedom and dignity
Those challenging existing leadership paradigms
Individuals aligning their work with their deepest values
Those ready to craft their place in the world as entrepreneurs or in their current career
I went from serving locally to reaching women worldwide. Most importantly, I am helping others do the same—find their voice, build their tables, and claim their rightful place. Learn about my Spirited Entrepreneurs Empowerment Network (S.E.E.N.) initiative.
Conclusion
The journey from feeling excluded to creating your own inclusive space is transformative. It comes with risks and challenges, but the reward is a life lived authentically, creating value in alignment with your truest self.
Your authentic voice is a gift to yourself and the world. What step will you take today to build your table and claim your rightful chair? The space you create might be the sanctuary another person is searching for.
You do not have to leave your current job to move beyond exclusion and craft your place in the world. Start where you are now. Take that first step – perhaps it is as simple as writing down one value you will not compromise on anymore.
Leave me a comment below and tell me what your dream is. If public discourse is too public for you, send me a note at info@soulfulsojourners.com.
And as always, be safe, dear sojourner, until we see each other again on these pages or a discovery call.
Neidy Lozada, MATP, CTTC, CSIC, is a transformational and spiritual integration coach. She brings over twenty years of experience in transpersonal practices, coaching, and business to her work with individuals from all over the globe. Neidy founded Soulful Sojourners following her long-held dream of building a company to provide top-notch coaching services to women, men, and organizations undergoing a profound transformational process. Neidy continues to serve non-profit organizations in the Bay Area through her work as a board member. She is a proud mother, grandmother, daughter, sister, and devoted caretaker of furry companions.
Comments